Hi. I’m that weirdo friend who tells you your haircut looks terrible before you leave the house. Why? Because I grew up in a place where winter lasts 6 months and summer could literally cook pancakes on my driveway—you either develop honesty or go insane. Today? We’re talking about why most “make money online” articles deserve a sarcastic slow clap.
Don’t get me wrong. Last month, my email campaign for a client made $30,000 in 72 hours. I sell design bundles that outlive avocado toast trends. But when I see posts like “Get Rich Selling AI Prompts While You Sleep!”? Oh honey…
The 3 Big Lies Your Favorite Guru Won’t Admit
Let’s slice through the BS like a hockey skate on fresh ice:
Lie #1: “Anyone Can Do This!”
Sure, just like anyone can become an Olympic curler. Last week I tried teaching my neighbor to write sales copy. Turns out “just be persuasive!” works as well as telling someone to “just be taller.”
Lie #2: “Passive Income is Easy!”
My font bundles make money while I binge Schitt’s Creek. But here’s the kicker: I spent 200 hours creating them. Passive income isn’t a magic lamp—it’s what happens when you build a damn good lamp store first.
Lie #3: “Follow My 10-Step Blueprint!”
Cool story. Now watch me recreate their “foolproof system”:
- Buy their $997 course
- ??
- Profit!
Spoiler: Step 2 always involves selling courses about selling courses.
What Actually Moves the Needle (From a Recovering Cynic)
Here’s the unfiltered truth—no maple syrup coating:
1. Your Weirdness is Currency
My best-selling product? Vintage ski lodge logos. Why? Because I’m the only marketer crazy enough to research 1940s toboggan ads during a snowstorm. Your quirks = your unfair advantage.
Try This:
List 3 skills people mock you for. My list:
- Obsession with 80s movie taglines
- Ability to sleep through -40°C weather
- Making spreadsheets for fun
Turns out, #3 became my $200/hr consulting niche.
2. ChatGPT is Your Intern, Not Your CEO
Need 50 blog title ideas in 5 minutes? The Borg Collective (aka ChatGPT) rocks. But try getting it to write a product launch email?
“Dear Customer, Our revolutionary thingamajig will synergize your paradigm. Buy now because reasons.”
Exactly. Use AI like a sous-chef—it chops onions, but you make the poutine.
The Unsexy Truth About “Overnight Success”
My first design bundle made $17. For 3 months. Then I:
- Analyzed which files got downloaded most
- Rewrote descriptions using actual human language
- Added bonus templates addressing user complaints
Month 4: $2,300.
The magic formula isn’t sexy:
Solve Specific Problems → Test → Tweak → Repeat
Winter’s Coming. Time to Get Moving.
Look, I’m not your guru. I’m just the neighbor who’ll toss salt on your icy porch while roasting bad advice. The internet’s full of get-rich-quick fairy tales—but real success? It’s built with snow shovels, not magic wands.
So here’s your homework:
- Delete those “Passive Income 101” bookmarks
- Grab a Tim Hortons double-double
- Ask yourself: “What’s ONE thing I can fix better than anyone else?”
Then go build that. And if it flops? Perfect—now you’ve got data. Rinse and repeat until your weird little idea becomes someone’s holy-grail solution.
P.S. If you take advice from a woman whose survival skills include starting campfires with expired coupons… maybe don’t? But hey, at least I’m not selling you a course.
