Let’s get one thing straight: if butterflies in your stomach were proof of love, moths would’ve written Shakespeare.
We’ve all been there – Googling “signs you’re in love” at 2 AM while eating cold pizza, only to find advice that sounds like it was written by someone who’s never touched grass. “You can’t stop thinking about them!” Cool, so my ADHD hyperfixation on that guy from the coffee shop counts as true love now? “They’re your everything!” Great, guess I’ll quit my job and abandon my friends then.
Here’s the bitter espresso shot of truth: Real love doesn’t feel like a Taylor Swift song. It’s quieter than that.
The Lies We Swipe Right On
Let’s autopsy three popular myths:
Myth 1: “You’re obsessed with them”
Oh honey, no. That jittery need to check their Instagram stories isn’t love – it’s your amygdala throwing a panic party. Neuroscience confirms obsession activates the same brain regions as cocaine cravings (Fisher, 2016). Real love? It lights up the areas linked to calmness and pain relief.
Myth 2: “You imagine your future together”
I once spent 45 minutes picturing how my cat and I would run a seaside bakery. Imagination ≠ reality. Healthy couples discuss concrete plans like “Should we get a joint savings account?” not “Let’s name our future twins Aurora and Zenith!”
Myth 3: “You feel ‘complete’”
If someone “completes” you, you’re basically admitting you’re half a person. Therapists call this enmeshment – the emotional equivalent of two trees grafted so tightly they strangle each other’s growth.
The Boring Truth About Real Love
1. It smells like burnt toast (and that’s okay)
True story: Last week, my partner of 8 years burned breakfast while arguing with the toaster. We laughed, opened the windows, and moved on. Real love lives in these unscripted moments – the eye-rolls over misplaced keys, the silent teamwork during flu season.
2. It sounds like silence (the comfortable kind)
Infatuation needs constant noise: texts, dates, TikTok duets. Mature love thrives in the gaps. You can read separate books on the same couch, walk without holding hands, or spend weekends apart without spiraling.
3. It tastes like shared mundanity
Notice I didn’t say “passion.” A 2022 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study found couples bonding over chores (yes, dishes) reported higher long-term satisfaction than those prioritizing romantic gestures.
Your Anti-Checklist
Forget “signs” – try these reality checks:
✅ The Grocery Test
Can you debate cereal brands without it feeling symbolic? Love handles the trivial without theatrics.
✅ The Crisis Litmus
When shit hits the fan (lost job, flat tire, existential dread), do they respond rather than react? Infatuation crumbles under pressure; love grabs a mop.
✅ The Independence Audit
Do you still:
- Hang out with friends solo?
- Pursue pre-relationship hobbies?
- Feel okay saying “I need space”?
If yes, you’re likely in healthy territory.
Why This Hurts to Hear
We’ve been sold love as a hurricane – something that sweeps you off your feet. But hurricanes destroy. What we actually need is weathering: slow geological changes that shape landscapes without eroding them.
It’s not sexy to admit that love thrives on boring foundations. But here’s the magic: when you stop straining for cinematic moments, you start noticing the poetry in ordinary days. The way they remember your allergy medication. How they don’t mock your weird shower singing. That silent agreement about whose turn it is to take out the trash.
So next time someone claims love should feel “overwhelming,” smile and walk away. The real thing isn’t flashy – it’s the quiet certainty that you’ve found someone who makes reality slightly softer around the edges.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with my partner… to argue about whether the dishwasher’s loaded correctly. Romance isn’t dead; it’s just wearing sweatpants.
